It’s the insignificant details that truly delight people…Like remembering how I take my coffee in the morning.

I love surprises, and I really enjoy surprising others, too. It’s one of those treasures in life that should never be abandoned. To really catch someone unexpectedly, you need to be awake and sensitive to what they say and do when they’re with you. “Waking up” is a continuous process. There’s no limit to your awareness, but it takes practice. How many of us have lived or worked with someone  for years who has to keep asking us how we like our coffee. You wonder if they would remember your name if they had to take you to the emergency room. The poet Kabir expresses this idea very well: “If you are in a deep sleep, why waste time smoothing the bed and arranging the pillows?” It takes the ability to listen and be fully present in conversation so you’re able to recall the things that please others. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or complicated; in fact, it’s the insignificant details that truly delight people. To remember how a certain individuals take their coffee or what their favorite colors are means that you care and you’ve paid attention—you’re awake! Similarly, you need to remain open to the surprises that occur in your life. They can be lovely gestures from others, and sometimes they’ll be nothing more than a sudden appreciation of something new and wonderful. There’s a profound side to living a life full of surprise: It can spur your ability to be grateful. To act as if each day has wonderful unknown opportunities opens the door to being thankful and feeling happiness. I’ve watched many children clap their hands gleefully at a butterfly, flower, or rainbow—it’s the merry delight in the unexpected that they’re experiencing. What’s really great about kids is that they are surprised repeatedly over the same thing, however, our culture is making it more and more difficult for this to continue, since anything new becomes old very quickly. I have grown to greatly appreciate the surprise of finding my mate has emptied the dishwasher, cleaned the countertops and vacuumed the crumbs off the kitchen floor. I am totally surprised and delighted when I sleep through the night and when I can still fit in some of the clothes. It makes for a really good day. Try to fill your life with surprise and don’t allow cynicism to become your ally, for it will only age you quickly…then the only surprise you’ll get is an early death

I got the furniture disease….My chest fell into my drawers

I am reticent to admit that there are days when I spend time fixated at looking at myself in the mirror. I just can’t believe what’s happening! My body is starting to look just like my mothers. The irony is that she never exercised a  day of her life, ate pretty much what she wanted, never took supplements or meditated. In fact she would often get angry and throw stuff around, drink wine every night, and stress was her constant companion. She lived to be ninety-nine. Her last several years were not the best, but for the majority of her life she was in good health and got around quite well. In fact she drove from Long Island where she lived alone till she was ninety , to my home in Plymouth. I was always amazed at how she got here intact or that she had not left a wake of car accidents, since she was totally afraid of driving. I on the other hand exercised myself into a coma, tried to eat so-called healthy foods, and learned to meditate.  My career, teaching people how to manage their stress was my best teacher, but none of the aforementioned curtailed the onslaught of joint problems that have become a part of my journey. Also none of what I did exercise wise has kept my body looking any different from my mothers. She would often say that as you get older you get the furniture disease. That’s when your chest falls into your drawers. She was spot on. Despite all of her so-called dysfunctional habits, she had a sense of humor ,albeit dark and often cynical, that seemed to help her cope with aging and the problems it brings with it. She would often laugh at me when I told her to exercise as if she already knew what I was in for.  My humor is less dark, but it seems to continue to be available even when I’ve been faced with the news that I need two knee replacements and a possible shoulder replacement. I figure I may go bye-bye, but some of my parts will be around forever. Since none of us are going to get out of here alive, it’s probably a good idea to spend as much time as possible exercising your funny rather than your fanny.

 

Collective Mental Constipation and Just Fed Up!

I am so tired of hearing and reading about the following:

1. Collective constipation of the mind and body. It seems that there are more and more individuals who cannot seem to think beyond their constipated beliefs and so they embark on force to get their way.  Using mental pugilism as a way to coerce  others who do not think act or believe the same way as they do never works in the long run. Unfortunately they do not seem to realize that an evolved society is infused with a variety of interesting people of varying ideologies. The physical manifestations of constipation have become a billion dollar business. Magazines and TV ads are rank with products that allude to the need to cleanse the colon in order to feel less bloated and miserable. No matter that physicians have said over and over that a healthy diet should include fiber which is found in many fruits and vegetables which takes care of the problem in a natural way. That makes sense which will never take over the nonsense that we are fed by the ad gurus so they can continue to fuel their bank accounts and placate their clients. I would like to do a research project which would attest to the fact that the above is tied together. I think if you open your mind to new ways of thinking, your bowel problems will fade.

2. Stores giving me reward cards that will give me discounts for future products. The only reward I want is being able to buy something at a fair price that will not leave me feeling gauged. Also stop making commercials with actors that tell us that the store they represent is there “just for us”. Let’s face it you’re in business to make money. If you were there just for me then why aren’t you doing my errands?

3. Political ads that run day and night and news anchors and their cohorts that interview not only the potential candidate but the people who deliver their oil, their dentists and their children’s Pediatricians. Let’s cut to the chase. How about a six month campaign with six debates. Tell us what you’re going to do, how you’re going to do it and when. Never mind what the other’s haven’t done. It’s irrelevant since most of us already have this information. Negative ads are simply reflective of a group of adolescents ragging on each other.

This is Loretta LaRoche and I approve of these messages!

Parades of Information and Misinformation!

I just finished reading yet another article about foods to stay away from. The parade of information or misinformation is practically a daily event. At this point in time it’s clear to me that I should be dead, and those that came before me, i.e., my mother, grandmother, grandfather, and great grandmother should have died long before their time. They ate cheese daily, drank lots of wine, had sausage at least once a week and or meatballs, and heavy doses of spaghetti. Their diet also included lots of veggies and fruits, which might have helped cancel out the aforementioned foods, many of which are considered to be unfit for human consumption. They all lived into their nineties or beyond despite their dietary choices. We could use the excuse that the food they ate was less contaminated, but I recall going with my grandmother to buy a chicken from a woman who raised them and I was scared out of my mind. I felt as if I had entered “hell for hens”! I did not see one sanitary measure in place. In fact I doubt that the owner bathed but once a year, if that. She resembled one of the witches in Macbeth with her long scraggly hair and missing teeth. I doubt if any government official had ever seen the inside of her establishment. If they had they would have put her and her chickens on a list for the ten most wanted food terrorists. In fact I would have to say that almost every store we went into lacked any regulatory process. In spite of it all most individuals I grew up with thrived. I don’t remember any discussions during dinner about how we shouldn’t be eating certain foods, nor did I hear whether they were going to extend life, repair cells, improve hearing or give us laser vision. I do remember having a lot of fun talking about crazy relatives or neighbors, who stopped by often, and feeling incredibly blessed to be eating my grandmothers cooking. You see in “those days” families lived together whether you liked it or not. I think it’s great to have progressed to a place where we are able to have more information about what we eat and how it effects us. However, what we all need more of is taking the time to eat and to enjoy what we’re eating. It’s also much more fun and a lot healthier to share our food with those we care about.  It might just be that sausage, meatballs and cheese are not what’s killing us, but the fact that we text and e-mail while we’re eating them.

Happy New Year!

I thought it might be fun to think about some New Years’ resolutions that might be a little bit more unique and quirky. I don’t know about you but I’m tired of the same old same old : lose weight, change jobs, stop smoking, exercise, be more assertive and on and on. Let’s face it, if we were really interested in any of the aforementioned, we wouldn’t have to wait for January first to start. But hey, many of us like to procrastinate so the first of January has become a great target date for those who can seduce themselves into believing that the first of the year contains a magical catalyst for change. Good for you if it works, but the greatest challenge is sustainability. How about trying the following instead:  1.Try to avoid the “ignorantly self-important”, many of whom have realty shows and add nothing to our lives.  2. Stop trying to love yourself, it’s exhausting. Maybe just liking parts of yourself will do! 3. Don’t become obsessive about anything! It will only make you feel like a dart that’s always trying to hit the bull’s eye. 4. Try to accept that not getting what you want may just be a grand stroke of luck.  5. Don’t kid yourself into believing that just because something is liquid, it’s similar to drinking water. Frappuccinos, and mocha lattes have as many calories as a 16-ounce rib eye. 6. Stop suffering in advance. Wait until something really bad happens, and then suffer—instead of planning on it. 7. Get rid of the energy vampires. If somebody drains the life out of you whenever you talk to them…wear garlic around your neck and move on. 8. Don’t you think we should stop sharing so much information? Getting your teeth cleaned is a great thing, but we don’t need to share what they found in the process. 9. Make sure you choose comfortable clothing. Life is difficult enough without spending the day feeling like your clothes are out to kill you. 10. And finally don’t wait to have fun. Your chores will never be done. Instead of putting off the fun try to make it a part of whatever you’re doing. No one ever lay on their death bed lamenting the fact that they didn’t finish their “to do” list. Happy New Year!

Healthy, Happy and Fit

A picture in the September issue of Glamour magazine seems to have continued feedback from readers. The magazine was flooded with e-mails and letters from readers who say they love the “woman on p.194” who is pictured in her underwear, proudly showing off her pooch. The relatively unknown model was featured in the body-confidence article “What everyone but you sees about your body”.  One woman from Somerset Massachusetts  wrote in and said “ This beautiful woman has a real stomach and did I see some stretch marks? This is how my belly looks after giving birth to my two amazing kids! This photo made me want to shout from the rooftops.” Showing a picture of a woman with some belly hanging over her underpants is a pretty radical move for a magazine. I’d like to see the day when they feature a seventy year old naked woman.  After all woman are supposed to be not only young and thin but also a bit bony to be a model. The clothes are the only thing that counts, they need to be the center of attention. The body is merely a hanger for the clothing and sadly without their garments they would be reminiscent of individuals suffering from famine. The average woman’s size is between a twelve and a fourteen. Yet we are deluded into thinking we should be a two, four or six because the media consistently showcases women whose lives revolve around getting paid to look good. Many of those same women suffer or have suffered from anorexia and or bulimia. I am not advocating for being overweight, but how our weight is distributed is usually genetic. I have the same body as my mother and grandmother. I would have liked to have gotten Angelina Jolie’s body but it just wasn’t in the cards. I spent a great deal of time as a young woman trying to lose weight and be a size my body consistently rebelled against. I tried all kinds of diets and even took amphetamines which my obstetrician gave me after the birth of my daughter. Oh I got thin alright but I was also a whirling dervish. Isn’t it time we stopped showing women walking the runways that are essentially cadavers? Isn’t it interesting that men don’t seem to be starving themselves to be attractive! Let’s stop buying into photo shopped pictures, stupid articles touting ridiculous weight loss programs and products. Being healthy, happy and fit are much more important than trying to have a so called perfect body.

Look At Me! Look At Me!

Over the years I have heard the statement “you have to learn to love yourself” over and over as the anecdote to a myriad of mental and physical problems. When I first heard someone utter these words I realized that I probably didn’t love myself very much. I was brought up primarily by a grandmother who never made a “big deal “out of herself and a mother who tried desperately to make sure I didn’t think I was a “big deal” ! If I got an A minus she would try to find out what happened to the other half a point. She had very little filter between her thought process and what came out of her lips. If she thought I had gained weight she didn’t think twice about mentioning it. Did it make me wince? Oh you bet it did, but you always knew where you stood. My teachers, the good sisters of St. Joseph never gave a compliment unless you preformed a miracle, and we all know how long it takes the church to verify that. Yes, It was tough going, but I was lucky enough to have a nature that is tenacious and resilient, something I think we’re losing.  Today young people are bathed in messages telling them how “special” they are. Most of the time there is no evidence to support the compliments that are often profuse and go from the sublime to the ridiculous. Could it be that as a society we are creating praise addicts? It feels that way. You Tube is full of people doing everything from brushing their teeth to warbling songs that sound worse than someone running their fingers up and down a blackboard. They post pictures of themselves on every gadget and send it immediately in case someone has forgotten who they are.  Reality shows are filled with content that makes stupid look smart and is primarily about watching people do nothing of importance.  I am in awe as to how the Kardashians are constantly in the limelight. They obviously have learned to understand that the path to fame and fortune is to constantly make sure that someone, anyone is looking at them. “Look at me, look at me” is the new metaphor. Self-effacement was a huge part of my generation, which has now been replaced with self-expansion. I don’t think that either method is the best. But there is a balance and we better find it, before we end up with Chuckles the Clown for president.