Buffer Our Fears! Extrapolate from your day to day life what you feel good about and think about it often.

The last several years have seen a proliferation of books on how to think positive, and be happy so that you can become successful and fulfilled. The only problem is that more often than not our brains prefer to choose negative thoughts. John Milton said that “The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” He certainly knew what he was talking about. On any given day we average about 60,000 thoughts. Many of them are focused on what’s wrong, or what could go wrong. This made a lot of sense thousands of years ago when there was a huge possibility that your village could be obliterated by your enemies or that you might be attacked by a behemoth while taking a morning walk. Unfortunately the brain has taken it’s time catching up with modern-day society. We are still struggling to rid ourselves of a lot of our fears, which often come from negative thoughts, even though we are living in modern times. Researchers have proven that our brain patterns are defined in part by how we think. Optimists take credit for their successes and see bad events as flukes. Pessimists, on the other hand, blame themselves for anything that happens and often discount success. Dr. Martin Seligman has dubbed the dialogue of pessimism and optimism as explanatory style. He points to the fact that pessimists use the three P’s to explain themselves: personalization (“It always happens to me!”), pervasiveness (“it happens to me every day in every way!”), and permanence (“It will never end!)”. This practically guarantees a life that contains a feeling of hopelessness and suffering. It also contributes to a sense of inner worthlessness and a lack of self-control. The more we think we are a certain way, the more we become that way. Learning to change our inner dialogue can be very difficult for those whose biology predisposes them to depression and or anxiety. So learning to parrot positive statements may prove to be an act of futility for them. They may need a combination of medications and a cognitive behavioral therapist. For those of us who have simply become habituated to thinking that the universe is not a friendly place, I suggest spending some time everyday thinking about what you feel good about. There is always something we can extrapolate from our day-to-day that can help to buffer our fears.  If you can engage in this practice you will find yourself more able to handle difficult situations and there’s a good possibility you may even live longer.

Dummy Guide for Communicating with Children.

Have you ever been in a situations with your family where you’ve become a broken record and no one hears you anymore? Your level of frustration is at an all-time high, and you’re at your wits’ end. Don’t give up; instead, try a little theatrical ploy. Let’s face it, we can all get dramatic, unfortunately we seem to choose the dark side more often than the light. Some of us are masters at doing reruns of Friday the 13^th. It seems that finding underwear on the floor and wet towels on the bed are a constant. I also used to want to scream when I found half eaten bowls of cereal swimming in milk sitting in the sink, or rings on the table from glasses that had wet bottoms. Oh, there were other things, like rooms occupied by adolescent kids that looked as if they had been part of a crime scene in CSI, and the loud, penetrating music that would make a dog cover his ears. I definitely spent a lot of years imitating my mothers’ tactics which was to threaten the use of force which was ridiculous. My sons were much taller than me so it was like a mouse yelling at Thor. They usually smirked and went on with what they were doing. I finally decided I had to lighten up and start introducing a little levity. So one day I started singing what I wanted them to do. I used a blues melody, stood on a chair and proceeded to wail, “that I was tired and lonely and nobody gave a dam”, I work all day and night, and never get anything right”! At first they just looked at me like I was crazy, but I kept belting out songs, much to their dismay. I also tried a little opera, and some country western. I soon heard, “Mom, mom, we can’t stand it anymore, what do you want us to do? I have also walked into the house with a boa and a tiara and told them how disappointed I was that the house had became so disheveled while I was gone while using a British accent. I realize that not everyone is going to use these techniques, but trust me when I tell you that it does change the mood and often gets everyone feeling more playful. Try it, you might find your laughing yourself silly, or they’ll take you away and you’ll get a much needed rest.