Quest for neatness can make you and others nuts

I think I am the beginning stages of not being obsessed with having my house look perfect.

I used to be so crazed that I could not leave beds unmade, dishes in the sink or anything out of place. I remember almost being late for a talk I had to do because I vacuumed up some crumbs off the kitchen floor. In those days I worried that someone might come over and report that I was a slob.

I have had many people like me in my workshops. One woman told me that she had to vacuum the rug in the same direction. I asked her why this was so important, and she responded, “I don’t want to disturb the nap.” I told her I didn’t think it was the nap that was disturbed.

I don’t think she had a huge epiphany from my comment, because she went on to tell me how necessary it was for her not to leave any dirty dishes in the sink. I told her to put them in the trunk of the car and then she wouldn’t have to see them.

Unfortunately, this woman kept going on and on with her “shoulds and musts,” because she really needed her family and friends to feel she was perfect. After a few years of hearing similar stories, I began to delve more into “why am I driving myself nuts in order to have my home resemble a museum?”

If I’d bought red velvet ropes and cordoned off certain rooms, I’d have been all set. My family could have been relegated to the basement; then I could enjoy the order and cleanliness.

However, the energy it takes to keep everything pristine is exhausting, and it drives everyone around you nuts.

My other dilemma was my ability to see a dirt ball a mile away. I’ve been blessed and cursed with high-level awareness. I would have made a great forensic scientist.

During the past five years my need to “seek and clean” has been tempered by being in a partnership with a wonderful man who is the direct opposite. Any time I walk into the kitchen, every cupboard door is open. He loves coffee and has three or four half cups in different rooms in the house. I often find one he forgot in the microwave.

He loves to eat something late at night, and I always know, since there are traces of it all over the kitchen. What I find interesting is that I laugh about it more than I curse about it.

I’ve realized that having a loving partnership overrides having a spotless house.

Self Improvement is yet another job!

I’m all for people doing everything they can do to improve their lives, but as I age I have observed that self-improvement has become somewhat of an obsession in our culture. Learning to leave “Well enough alone” is a metaphor that meant something to my grandparents. Products geared towards making us look perfect have been permeating our society for years. I can’t believe how ridiculous some of it has become. I recently read about a new product that was developed to handle “stress sweat”. I guess sweat can now be categorized. You just can’t sweat you have to figure out what kind it is. Perhaps you have to hire a “sweat assessor”. After all the King and Queens used to have tasters for their food in case it was poisoned. Imagine how this could create a whole new line of work? After all there are a myriad of odors from different types of sweat. You could take your “assessor” wherever you go and have him give you his suggestion for which deodorant you need for any given moment. Staff meetings, confrontations with family, divorce sweat would be a great market, or a first date. What I find so amusing is that the company that introduced this idiotic product announced that it had been clinically tested. Do people really get involved in these studies and how are they done? Do you put a bunch of people in a room with a grizzly and then monitor their sweat glands? Or maybe you have them call one of the many companies that have voice mail to see if they ever get their problem resolved. i think that would create a lot more “stress sweat”then being with a grizzly.

I’m all for improving the human condition and giving us the opportunity to look, and feel great. But self-improvement has now become another job. How many hours a day must we spend trying to discern whether we ate the right amount of blueberries, ingested enough fiber, used the right shampoo for our hair type, or made sure our sheets and pillow cases are not infested with mites? Madison Avenue executives have been plotting for years to get us to think that we will not feel good about ourselves unless we buy something that will enhance how we look. And a lot of us have bought into it. I know I did, but finally I realized that often times I looked worse than when I started. So now I spend more time accepting who i am, which makes me sweat a whole lot less!