Age gracefully with laughter

Not a day goes by without an article, news flash, or post on Facebook about a new incredible breakthrough in the field of anti-aging. The gamut can run from a recognizable berry like blueberries to a new fruit that was discovered by anthropologists studying Pigmies in the Amazon jungle and is a must for your daily smoothie. Blue berries were touted as a memory enhancer, especially if you could ingest a bushel a day. If you could follow this dictate, you might be able to give elephants a run for their money. I didn’t take long for that to become passé.

Oatmeal was once considered the go to food to reduce cholesterol. You could find it infused in a myriad of foods because of its miracle properties. It transitioned into soaps, creams, lotions and I’m surprised it didn’t become wearable. Why not a pair of pants made of oatmeal? it might have more lasting results!. I think quinoa has taken its place.

How many skin product companies have absolutely been certain that their creams reduce wrinkles, firm and tighten skin after several applications? I have bought into this marketing hype for the majority of my life. Research in this arena has shown over and over that skin cream can do very little to remove wrinkles. It can moisturize your skin which makes it  look plumper, but a humid day will do that too.

What I really get a good laugh about is when they try to combine faux science with a product. The idea that a skin product is going to open pores so that the cream can rappel down into several layers is ludicrous. If pores opened and closed you would emerge out of a bath looking like a balloon.

Celebrity anti-aging products are big now. Many of them have their own lines of creams, potions, work out clothing, and waters that can transform you into being one of their clones. One such celebrity has yoga pants that are supposed to make you appear slimmer and more toned. Somehow the practice has been lost in translation. Yoga is supposed to be a relaxed type of exercise which is analogous to creating a holistic approach. If the pants I’m wearing contain a material that feels like my flesh is being steam rolled while I’m trying to execute “down facing dog”, something is amiss.

What I find frustrating is that so many individuals get sucked into the above in the belief that aging can be avoided by applying something or obsessively eating a certain food. Some of the most important factors are hardly ever addressed and they are readily available. Laugh often, have fun, be playful, don’t take yourself seriously, be with family and friends often, go out in nature, appreciate art and music, and most importantly be grateful for each day.

Humorous thoughts from a short person.

All through my life I have had to alter my clothing due to my diminutive size. I use the word diminutive because it sounds so much more elegant than just saying I’m short. Being short creates a variety of problems. Nothing catastrophic, of course. It’s just a nuisance, and one that grows exponentially with age. I was once 5 feet one half-inch. I am now 4 feet 11 inches. At this rate I will soon become a head with legs.

It’s not just the reduction in size that is problematic, it’s also where the skin goes along with reduced height. Mine went to my waist. I am praying it doesn’t go to my ankles which would make me look like a box.

Going shopping for clothing has always been a very interesting experience since I have been blessed with a body that has a long torso and short legs. When I try to buy pants I always have enough material left over from shortening them for a pair of shorts. The salespeople I have dealt with always suggest I wear a big heel to “lengthen the look”. However, many of the heels today are so high that you need someone who is proficient at walking in stilts as a consultant. I also know that as a recipient of two knee implants, the likelihood of walking in anything other than a pair of hobbit shoes is highly unlikely.

Buying a top is not as bad as purchasing pants or a skirt. But my bust has always been a little grandiose which makes me feel like I have a shelf hanging over my waist. A lot of the tops today are made to hug the body which often makes you look like a tire. I also dislike the feeling of the material which seems to be made out of something that takes you prisoner. Trying to get it over your head is akin to burping a Tupperware jar to get it open. Yes, you can buy a blouse that skims your body and seems to float around you. However, when you have a generously sized bust, you really need a bigger size, which then makes you look like you’re wearing a tent.

So whats the answer for us “shorties”? Well, I have decided to engage a seamstress to make me several outfits that are interchangeable. I certainly don’t need a lot of clothes anymore, I probably never did. My mother, who survived the depression, used to look in my closet and ask me if I thought I might be able to sell them at some point if I needed to pay the mortgage.

I find that the best way to handle all of the above is a sense of humor. I now tell people “ I’m a short person, who thinks tall”!