Humorous thoughts from a short person.


All through my life I have had to alter my clothing due to my diminutive size. I use the word diminutive because it sounds so much more elegant than just saying I’m short. Being short creates a variety of problems. Nothing catastrophic, of course. It’s just a nuisance, and one that grows exponentially with age. I was once 5 feet one half-inch. I am now 4 feet 11 inches. At this rate I will soon become a head with legs.

It’s not just the reduction in size that is problematic, it’s also where the skin goes along with reduced height. Mine went to my waist. I am praying it doesn’t go to my ankles which would make me look like a box.

Going shopping for clothing has always been a very interesting experience since I have been blessed with a body that has a long torso and short legs. When I try to buy pants I always have enough material left over from shortening them for a pair of shorts. The salespeople I have dealt with always suggest I wear a big heel to “lengthen the look”. However, many of the heels today are so high that you need someone who is proficient at walking in stilts as a consultant. I also know that as a recipient of two knee implants, the likelihood of walking in anything other than a pair of hobbit shoes is highly unlikely.

Buying a top is not as bad as purchasing pants or a skirt. But my bust has always been a little grandiose which makes me feel like I have a shelf hanging over my waist. A lot of the tops today are made to hug the body which often makes you look like a tire. I also dislike the feeling of the material which seems to be made out of something that takes you prisoner. Trying to get it over your head is akin to burping a Tupperware jar to get it open. Yes, you can buy a blouse that skims your body and seems to float around you. However, when you have a generously sized bust, you really need a bigger size, which then makes you look like you’re wearing a tent.

So whats the answer for us “shorties”? Well, I have decided to engage a seamstress to make me several outfits that are interchangeable. I certainly don’t need a lot of clothes anymore, I probably never did. My mother, who survived the depression, used to look in my closet and ask me if I thought I might be able to sell them at some point if I needed to pay the mortgage.

I find that the best way to handle all of the above is a sense of humor. I now tell people “ I’m a short person, who thinks tall”!

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Humorous thoughts from a short person.

  1. Aside from the fact that women are hard-wired to want tall men, having lived 60 years as a short male person hasn’t been the worst of existences. Mine personally has been the most interesting thing EVER because of all the adventurous choices I’ve made. To get on-topic for Loretta’s blog post– stores simply don’t stock enough (or often any!) pants with 28 and 29 inch inseams.

    Analysis– “stores don’t stock”– there’s the problem. Two solutions occur immediately– pay someone to shorten the length, or buy on-line (assuming that 28 or 29 inch inseams can be purchased there).

    Gee, I’m so smart when I hang around with you other smart, good-looking people!

  2. Another thing we have in common, Loretta! I’ve been 4 feet 11 inches my entire life and buying clothes has always been a hassle, even in the “petite” section. Pants are still always too long! I’m 62 years old and humorously refer to myself sometimes as Square Becky Sponge Pants!

  3. love it! and I recently learned that doctors say 90 year old women are healthier with an extra 15 lbs. I don’t want to wait 20 years though!

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